


as good a reason as any

by postfixrevolution



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Gen, I just have a lot of feelings about them okay, Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, can be read romantically but mostly platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 02:36:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18730015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/postfixrevolution/pseuds/postfixrevolution
Summary: on the way back back from meeting her denizen, roxy finds an old friend.post [s] game over. pre-retcon.





	as good a reason as any

**Author's Note:**

> homestuck fanfic in 2019? yeah.
> 
> unbeta-ed, so forgive any mistakes!

Roxy flies with a purpose, eyes trained toward the faraway spot of blue that is John's world in the distance. She tries not to focus on the brilliant smears of color that spread themselves out along the path there, but they're as hard to ignore as the aching in her chest at the sight. 

There are ruins of entire planets painted haphazardly across the canvas of open space, covering the comforting darkness of the void with memories of destruction. Flying back means passing through the carnage again, and it hardly stirs any pleasant feelings within her. She isn't sure if it's possible, but Roxy wills herself to fly even faster. 

Halfway through the wreckage, the pieces start to deteriorate into shitty pixels and dust, fine enough to be compared to the way stars peppered the night sky back on Earth. The comparison sits uncomfortably in her stomach, a dizzying mixture of guilt and aching nostalgia, and she contemplates flying with her eyes closed. 

It's a stupid idea, unfortunately, and Roxy sighs, wrapping her arms around herself as she continues moving. Her roseate eyes catch on a patch of especially maroon and liquid gold colored pixels as she does, the familiar shade of them causing her to double take, slowing to a stop long enough to see them coalesce in and out of shape. 

She would know that shape anywhere. 

"dirk?"

The pixels shift in a way that is undeniably human, turning around to face her. Roseate eyes can trace the faint shape of Dirk's ridiculous shades, the dark ebony of some of their bits stark amidst his flesh and the liquid gold of his hair, some blending into the void around him. He's silent for a painful few seconds, but when he speaks, Roxy feels her heart swell at how _solid_ he sounds. 

"Roxy... You're alive?"

"i could say the same to u,"  she breathes, unable to take her eyes off the fluctuating shape of him. Every time she thinks she can see him, parts of his visage glitch and shudder out of place. It almost hurts how much she is dying to see him whole, even just one more time. "i cant believe ur still alive!"

"I shouldn't be," he replies, too fast for her liking. Her first reaction is to protest, to bite back with every ounce of fire within her that he is _wrong_ , but Dirk is nothing if not equal parts stubborn and completely attuned to the way she reacts, giving her no room to get a word in before he speaks again. "This is all my fault, Roxy. Jake, Jane, my own bro... If only I'd been here—"

"youd what?" she bites, unable to keep the edge from her voice, hands curling into fists at her side. Images flash behind her eyes at his claim, almost all of them gruesome memories of their dead friends and the impossible, numbing speed that they were all struck down with. The unwelcome reminder makes her eyes burn. "u dont even KNO what happened here, di. how could you b so goddamn sure that u couldve fixed any of it?"

His form solidifies for half a second, glitching into existence just long enough for Roxy to see him wince, eyebrows drawn in shame. Part of her knows she shouldn't be yelling at her last living friend, but his defeatist attitude rubs at a sore spot within her that aches to relate, and she feels a fire surge up inside her at the urge to burn them both down. He can sulk as much as he want, but he could never know the extent of the helplessness that tried and succeeded in drowning her alive at actually being here when everything fell apart. 

Dirk didn't _see_ it all happen. He didn't wake up just in time to save his mom only to fail anyway, didn't have her dead body captchalogued sullenly in his sylladex, have her last words ringing endlessly in his head, right between the flashing scenes of all of their friends dying in rapid succession. 

Her throat catches around a sob, and Roxy sniffles, reaching up to palm away at her bleary eyes. "youre not allowed 2 even THINK u should b dead or that this is all ur fault," she warns him, "especially if ur gonna say it to someone who was actually here and still let all her bffs and her own MOM die. if its anyones fault, then its--" 

"Bullshit," Dirk interrupts her, tone sharp. "You and I both know it'd be anyone else's fault before it'd be yours. Even you can't fool me into thinking Roxy Lalonde didn't try absolutely everything she could to try and save anyone she could."

Roxy's gaze flies up to his face, the shape of it barely there, but it's enough for her to focus on, to stare up at with glassy roseate eyes. She's almost completely positive that he is staring back. 

"At least you were HERE, Rox," he sighs. "Meanwhile, I was too far away to make even the smallest fucking attempt at a difference. It's not hard to imagine that my being there could have made things end a lot differently from there."

"thats still not a reason to blame urself 4 all of it," she mutters. Hesitantly, Roxy reaches out for his hand amidst the mess of maroon and flesh colored pixels, almost flinching back in surprise when she finds the warm span of his arm instead of pixelated nothingness. Even Dirk seems somewhat shocked, tensing at the feeling of fingers curling around his wrist, but he is quick to shift so she can fit her fingers in between his own. 

"after... after seein every1 all die, i kinda wanted 2 die too," Roxy admits softly, "so i kno how u feel." She pauses, gaze flickering down to their intertwined hands. Her own hand is still visible, but his is still only half-there, more shitty pixels than solid hand. "but that doesnt mean were allowed 2 give up, u kno?" Roseate eyes lift back up toward his own gaze, staring as resolutely forward into Dirk's shades as she can. "we have to keep goin, di. it aint over yet, believe me."

He huffs out a scoff despite himself, a breathy, disbelieving thing that she can see scatter the colorful pixels in front of him like stardust. Now that she is holding his hand, Dirk has more shape than he did before, but the majority of his expression is still hidden behind a pixelated mess. It doesn't take much to imagine the rueful, unimpressed curl of his lips. 

"You already said it yourself, Roxy: everyone's dead. We can refuse to blame ourselves as much as we want, but there's nothing left that's worth going on for."

"speak 4 urself. i have u now," she laughs softly, squeezing his hand for emphasis. Roxy wonders if she imagines the way Dirk comes into focus, just quick enough for her to catch the way he raises his eyebrows at her admission. She averts her eyes. "and john too, of course," she adds, quashing the urge to squirm under Dirk's pixelated gaze. 

"John?"

"janeys teenage gramps," she nods. "hes got some sicknasty time travelish retcon powerz and i think... i kno we can change things w his help."

"That's a pretty big vote of confidence, Lalonde."

"it is, but i think hes earned it. i was actually on the way back 2 his planet when i found u," she admits. "i have it on good denizen-y terms that he succeeded and that i could go with him 2 the new universe he helped save slash also create." Roxy pauses, squeezing Dirk's hand gently. "tbh i dont see why i cant also take u. we could see every1 again... even my mom and ur bro."

Dirk visually perks up at that. "A new universe," he echoes. The way he squeezes her hand is inquisitive, almost hopeful. "Is it really that easy?"

"u say easy like we didnt just go thru literal hell x100000 watching every1 we love die," she huffs, but she returns the reassurance anyway, brushing her thumb over his. "my denizen also said somethin mysterious and kinda ominous about others knowin the same pain i did if i go, but it was never gonna b a choice 4 me. if theres a new universe w living friends wholl need help, ill b there."

"Then I'll go, too," Dirk decides. His utter lack of hesitation surprises her, but Roxy admits that she couldn't have accepted it any other way. "I think this gives me as good a reason as any to keep going."

Roxy can faintly make out the way he nods his head in determination, shoulders squared, and grins up at him, swinging their joined hands slightly between them. "we have our friends and our family 2 fight for now!"

"And I have you now too, of course," he adds coyly, smirk almost painfully audible from his tone of voice alone. Roxy shoulders him in response and he barks out a breathy laugh, a musical sound that resonates from him like he is a bell, shaking off the rest of the pixels that cling to him. Roxy pulls them toward John's planet, craning her neck behind her to see her best friend clearly for the first time in what feels like an eternity. 

"u never lost me, di," she reassures him, not bothering to look at Dirk's reaction as she flies forward, dragging him behind her as she speeds on. Dirk doesn't say anything, but he holds onto Roxy's hand tightly and lets her lead the way. 


End file.
